one week

..til the 2yr anniversary of my dads death :( As if this month wasn't hard enough for me as it is..I have to be reminded of that horrible day too. I always wonder why my life sucks so bad, did I do something? Is is just bad luck? Seems like there is always this black cloud hanging over my head. I need to get myself out of this depression..get motivated to DO something..anything. I just can't believe that of all the good things I've done and people I've helped that I am doomed to forever be alone and miserable. I just don't know what to do anymore and feel so lost all the time. He gets to decide when we will talk and I am the one who was more hurt by what was done and what was said. Why am I the one who feels like I have to hide my feelings this time? Just wish things were easier..is that too much to ask?