Sometimes..

I feel like I have absolutely nobody to talk to when I need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. I try and be there for anyone who needs me but when I need someone I always feel like I'm bothering them or something. My heart hurts so bad right now and all I seem to do is cry all the time. I don't want to feel sad all the time or feel like I have pretend to be ok when I'm not. I don't want pity, but I want to be able to have bad days and have someone there to tell me it's ok. I'll just wake up to swollen eyes again and go on like nothing is wrong. I can't even stop the tears now.

I hate the fact that a few people I trust and love dearly have lied to me, and one right to my face..I hate that someone I cared about wants nothing to do with me anymore and I don't honestly know what I did that was bad enough for her to just wash her hands of me. I'm just sick of always having something wrong in my life. I know we can't all have the picture perfect life..but does it have to be so fucked up all the time?

I can't seem to let Aiyush go and I know I need to..but it just doesn't feel right to do it. I think about him every day, all the time, and I know if he were here now he'd know just what to say to me..and he'd end up making me smile like he always did. Fathey would know how to make me smile too..just wish we were like we used to be. My head says give him another chance but my heart just doesn't wanna go through all that again..so Im stuck..confused..stressed...sigh