Miss you so much..

All I seem to think about is Aiyush lately :( The more I think about him the more I can't stop crying. I was going through some old msn archives and came across one where I was the one depressed and needed someone..He was there for me. He gave me encouraging words, hugs, everything I needed..But I couldn't be there for him and I wish I could have been. Maybe he'd still be here if I was, if I had seen that last notification, not gone to work that day, called him more, just been a better friend to him. I think about all the what-ifs and it kills me..I want him back now! I want to be able to text him everyday like I used to..I want drunk phone calls and skype session on cam..I want to be able to tell him how much I love him and need him. But I can't..he's gone and he's never coming back. I can't even write this without crying like a baby. I wanted to hate that girl..I wanted to make her feel like shit for what she did to you :( but I can't, because I know you loved her and wouldn't want me to be that way. But I can't help but to blame her..it was ultimately her fault and I can't forgive her for that. One day I might be able to, but not now, not yet. You were never invisible. I love you always Aiyush