Yeah..I'm bored

UGH no work and can't go anywhere..love the snow but hate it at the same time lol OH..and I'm cramping and whiney haha so at least only a few people have to put up with the bitching from me ;) Sometimes I think it would be easier being a man..at least for a few days a month lol

So yesterday consisted of..
*watching movies

*chatting online

*cleaning a lil

*taking a nap

fun day huh? I guess I can expect more of the same today since I most likely will stay home again. Maybe I'll give myself a day of pampering and finish one of the many books Im reading. Or maybe I'll just stay in bed the whole day with a heating pad and the remote :O That actually sounds good to me!

yeah, a random pic of me lol For someone who hates having her pic taken..I have tons of them

SNOW!

YAY no work today (and possibly tomorrow) since we got tons of snow :) So now we're just stuck at home and no way of going out for anything lol Great chance to finish reading and watching a few movies..just a calm, relaxing day...with cramps :S lol at least my 10day work week was broken in half :P

Sometimes..

I feel like I have absolutely nobody to talk to when I need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. I try and be there for anyone who needs me but when I need someone I always feel like I'm bothering them or something. My heart hurts so bad right now and all I seem to do is cry all the time. I don't want to feel sad all the time or feel like I have pretend to be ok when I'm not. I don't want pity, but I want to be able to have bad days and have someone there to tell me it's ok. I'll just wake up to swollen eyes again and go on like nothing is wrong. I can't even stop the tears now.

I hate the fact that a few people I trust and love dearly have lied to me, and one right to my face..I hate that someone I cared about wants nothing to do with me anymore and I don't honestly know what I did that was bad enough for her to just wash her hands of me. I'm just sick of always having something wrong in my life. I know we can't all have the picture perfect life..but does it have to be so fucked up all the time?

I can't seem to let Aiyush go and I know I need to..but it just doesn't feel right to do it. I think about him every day, all the time, and I know if he were here now he'd know just what to say to me..and he'd end up making me smile like he always did. Fathey would know how to make me smile too..just wish we were like we used to be. My head says give him another chance but my heart just doesn't wanna go through all that again..so Im stuck..confused..stressed...sigh

Hear You Me..

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

Can't sleep

Seems like I get less and less sleep each day. It's not by choice at all, I mean, If I could sleep I would. I just can't for whatever reason. I wake up and I'm tired..I pass out and I'm tired..I go to work and I'm tired. I need someone to knock my ass out so I can get a good 24hrs sleep haha I've developed these permanent bags under my eyes..they just won't go away now :S guess thats the perks of insomnia :P There's days when I think I only get about 2-3hrs sleep and other days I get a good 6, possibly a 7..very rarely do I get over 8. Sleeping pills are out of the question..dont wanna get dependent on them..and I heard chamomile tea would work..but I dont like the taste lol maybe I should try watching golf lol

so lazy..

Ok..so I had 4 days off and did absolutely nothing :O all this lack of sleep is running me down. Today, I didn't get up til almost 5pm! Yeah, 5pm! I guess I need to make myself go to bed earlier or take a sleeping pill. Something has to work. Now I'm on for 10days straight on Monday..but soon I'll have 9days off and I DO plan on doing something while I'm off lol

Went out to dinner with the family the other night..of course I had to have an argument with my dad. If someone isn't arguing with him then it's not normal. I definitely get my temper 100% from him! Just wish we could have ONE meal where someone wasn't bitching about something..I can dream, can't I? LOL Other than the argument..dinner was good. Bella was pigging out on some chips and salsa and could have drank her weight in sprite..if we let her :P I still can't believe she's growing up so fast :(

Soooo I was writing some stuff in my other journal and wrote this..no laughing -_-

Steady thoughts run through my mind..
Always wandering, always searching.
Never finding that place of peace,
Never allowing my head to rest.
Thinking back to alll the simple things,
The ones that meant so much.
My soul is tired, my heart is weak..
My body waits patiently, for what I cannot have.
Always yearning for that endless sleep.

I was playing with Fathey's pics :P