Things haven't changed too much for me since the last time I blogged. I did take my PTCB exam on my birthday and I passed =] sooo happy thats over and done with!

I think about Aiyush a lot lately. Wishing I could talk to him like I used to :( miss him so much. Seems like it was just yesterday that we were skyping with each other. It's coming up on 2 yrs that my dad passed too :( I printed some of Amandas wedding pics and just wish he could have been there to walk her down the aisle, and to meet Ken. Now Naomi is in and out of the hospital and the doctors only give her 3-6mths to live. Seems like everyones dying around me. I know death is a part of life but it just seems so unfair.

My social life still sucks..the one person I can be myself around and truly be happy with lives a million miles away and just feels like Im never going to be happy. I can't leave my family and would never ask him to leave his. Life is just unfair. Found out that Fathey blocked me..someone I loved and cared about and he chooses to break my heart again. Sometimes I wonder why I even take Prozac..why I even give a shit about anything....you give away pieces of your heart and you get slapped in the face...just doesn't seem worth it anymore.

Well...

I seem to be as bad at keeping up with this as I do my New Years Resolutions lol Geez I really need to keep up with this. Even if I don't think anyone reads it...it helps to get things out sometimes.

So..Amanda and Ken are getting married in about a month and I still haven't picked out my dress lol but I did narrow it down to 2, so thats good :P I'm really happy for her and can't wait to see her even happier. They are honestly made for each other and I've never seen her so happy..plus the fact that he treats her and Bella like princesses is great. Maybe one day it'll be my turn.

I got another surprise gift from Mahir :) he sent me a silver heart shaped necklace a few weeks ago <3 he always finds ways of making me smile and has great taste in jewelry :P I hope we get to meet one day...

Started playing Evony again...Angel (aka Punk) and I get along really well..he makes me laugh and already knows who his boss is (that would be me lol). He's really easy to talk to and lets me whine to him, which is a plus haha But Oh Em Gee I need to stop using my fucking credit card on that game lol

ok..enough rambling for now..back to cleaning

I suck so bad

I can't believe it's been over a year since my last blog :O I always say I'm going to blog more blah blah blah and something always happens and I forget..sigh..well..THIS time I mean it ;)

Bella is growing sooo fast :O and Amanda is getting married to Ken on June 3rd. I'm so happy for her and only wish my dad was still here to walk her down the aisle :( I have been thinking about him every day and still hurts so bad that he's not here. 2 more months and it will be a year that he's been gone. Its still seems like yesterday and I'd do anything to have him back right now. I don't know if it's ever going to get easier.

This year was the one year that I loved Valentine's day :) Mahir had flowers delivered to me! I was so happy and so surprised! Then a few weeks later he sent me a pink saphire ring with diamonds on the side :P I LOVE it and it's a perfect fit! He's amazing <3 He is always doing something to make me smile :) I will meet him one day!

Ok..enough rambling..I will be blogging more..promise :P

Bella's first day of 2nd grade

Bella started 2nd grade last week...she's getting so big now :( growing up too fast *sighs* anyway..wanted to share a pic of her :)

Lifehouse: Take Me Away

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

I try to make my way to you
but still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

don't give up on me yet
don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
but don't let
me stay here alone

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
I've seen enough and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

Been a long time..

I keep telling myself that I am going to blog more often..and it never happens. A lot has happened since I blogged last..the worst being my dad passed away in May. It's still so hard to believe he's gone. I can still remember his cologne and the way he sounded and I hope I never forget those things. I miss him so much and wish he was still here with us..I wanted him to know how much I love him and wish I had just said it more often. I end up crying a lot lately..mostly from missing him and Aiyush and just being super sensitive I guess. Everything hurts my feelings or makes me cry..fighting with friends and just feeling down all the time. I want to be put back on depression meds because I really think I need them again :/ I talked to Teshan for 4+hrs last night/morning and she said she would charge me to be her therapist :O her own wifey..can you believe that?

Work still sucks..still haven't found my sugar daddy yet :( but on a good note..I was moved back in pharmacy at least until December. The hours are amazing (noon-8, no weekends) :) couldn't ask for better hours..and no lists or doing the garbage lol I hope I can stay on after December..so keep your fingers crossed :P

I'm taking a trip in a week, to Seattle. They call it my "nerd trip" because my sister and 2 of my friends are going to see where they filmed Twilight (go ahead, laugh now..get it all out). So we'll be sight seeing the first day and Twilight tours the next 2 :P We'll have to drive to Oregon to see a few but it's worth it, at least we think so lol Poor Bella wanted to go soooo bad lol but she's in school and I know my sister wouldn't let her fly without her. So look for lots of pics being posted when I get back!

Ok..I'm sleepy so that means its nap time. I am def going to try and blog more often :)