YAY the weekend

Going to get out of the house and actually do something. Work was so slow and boring today and can't wait til next week to have 5 days off :P

Blah..it's almost been 2 fucking weeks with nothing but 5 words said to me :( Really? If you cared for someone, wouldn't you make an effort? I give up. I am still going to mail out his bday gift, even though it's gonna cost a shit load to mail dhl. Maybe he'll at least say thanks when he gets it..who knows :/

Drinking tonight for sure :))

Soccer

yeah Soccer..not Footbal..has been growing on me lately. Been watching the Euro 2012 matches and rooting for the hottest team :P seems to be working too lol One day I will actually understand sports..one day ;)


Had a shitty week and he's still not speaking to me..If he cared he would make the effort I guess. I can't sit in feel sorry for myself though :/ Been doing that for too long. One good thing about depression and new meds..I lost about 10lbs or more lol can't be such a bad thing to have I guess. Been eating healthier too and gonna work on a better me :)

blah I agreed to work for someone today and wish I hadn't now :S could have had the day off *sighs* Im just too nice sometimes :)

Love this kid <3

sooo been thinking about this lesbian thing

And the more I think about it..the more it makes perfect sense :) I had a threesome once so it's not like I've never been with a woman...and all the lesbians I know have great relationships with no daily fights. Thats what I want..a relationship with no fighting..or at least not stupid fights and be ignored for days :( Sick of being invisible.

I think I need to slow down on the vicodin too..I have a script for valid reasons but lately I've been taking them just to feel good. Beats being sad or depressed..just makes you not feel. I know it can lead to bigger problems but I promised Tesh I'd slow down..and I will. Just makes me feel better. In fact..I took one with my headache meds a lil while ago and the pain is gone and I am mellow and not really feeling anything right now.

I thought this year was going to be better than the last...I was sure wrong

Gonna be a lesbian

Seems like the only sensible thing to do :O Men are nothing but heartache and women are far more easy to understand *sighs* Well, most women :P

3 days off

And I know we won't talk...thats how it always is. Whenever I have time off there is always a reason or a fight so that we can't chat :/ Been 2 days and not one single word from him at all. What else can I do?

Decided to get some liquor tonight..have a few and relax..it's working for the most part but would be better if I wasn't drinking alone. Blah..Vivian mentioned me going out for drinks one night so I will definitely have to take her up on that.

Been 1 yr and 7 months of no smoking (well, I had maybe 4 in that time) YAY ME :)

One step forward...2 steps back

Seems like things never go my way. The more I move forward...the more steps back I have to take :(

Him and I are at it again *sighs* it's always something now :/ had a few panic attacks this week..ended up taking the meds and it helped. Just don't want to have to take them.  I feel like either swallowing every pill I have or flushing them all down the drain. Tired of pills and tired of life sometimes. I need a break :/