Bella's first day of 2nd grade

Bella started 2nd grade last week...she's getting so big now :( growing up too fast *sighs* anyway..wanted to share a pic of her :)

Lifehouse: Take Me Away

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

I try to make my way to you
but still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

don't give up on me yet
don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
but don't let
me stay here alone

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
I've seen enough and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

Been a long time..

I keep telling myself that I am going to blog more often..and it never happens. A lot has happened since I blogged last..the worst being my dad passed away in May. It's still so hard to believe he's gone. I can still remember his cologne and the way he sounded and I hope I never forget those things. I miss him so much and wish he was still here with us..I wanted him to know how much I love him and wish I had just said it more often. I end up crying a lot lately..mostly from missing him and Aiyush and just being super sensitive I guess. Everything hurts my feelings or makes me cry..fighting with friends and just feeling down all the time. I want to be put back on depression meds because I really think I need them again :/ I talked to Teshan for 4+hrs last night/morning and she said she would charge me to be her therapist :O her own wifey..can you believe that?

Work still sucks..still haven't found my sugar daddy yet :( but on a good note..I was moved back in pharmacy at least until December. The hours are amazing (noon-8, no weekends) :) couldn't ask for better hours..and no lists or doing the garbage lol I hope I can stay on after December..so keep your fingers crossed :P

I'm taking a trip in a week, to Seattle. They call it my "nerd trip" because my sister and 2 of my friends are going to see where they filmed Twilight (go ahead, laugh now..get it all out). So we'll be sight seeing the first day and Twilight tours the next 2 :P We'll have to drive to Oregon to see a few but it's worth it, at least we think so lol Poor Bella wanted to go soooo bad lol but she's in school and I know my sister wouldn't let her fly without her. So look for lots of pics being posted when I get back!

Ok..I'm sleepy so that means its nap time. I am def going to try and blog more often :)

ugh can't believe I did it again

1. forgetting to blog regularly..so busy so little time

2. trusting a lying ass AGAIN, just for him to prove to me I was right about him the first time *sighs*

lil busy now..will update later :P

Poem I found..

A Fragile Heart
~ Shernel Jn Pierre

My fragile heart was broken more than once before
I don't think I can endure another pain.
They don't know how or what I feel inside,
through my smiles I cry,
they don't know what they do to me.
Deep inside me I feel like I'm dying.
My world is so empty the days are so cold and lonely
each time I face the purest pain.
I wake up every night to see the state I'm in.
It's like and endless fight I never seems to win.
I should let it out, I think it's time someone should know.
I wish I could tell u the pain that I feel every day,
and that I can't find my way.
How can I break this wall around me
that causes my heart to grow in pain.
With this fire that burns deep within me,
there's so much to lose and yet less to gain.
Is it obvious that I'm caught in emotions
I'm out of control;
I don't know how long I can keep this inside.
So help me complete the pain inside me
and help me mend this fragile heart.

Confused

Sometimes I think life would be more simple if I never had the net..well, I know it would be. But then I wouldn't have met so many wonderful people and my twinny =) But when I faked my appearance I had a few people showing interest..but when I show my true self I have more telling me they have feelings for me. I know I'm a good person and I know Im a good friend...I just don't want anyone getting the wrong impression. I DO care about a lot of people and it makes me feel bad that I can't say I feel the same way for them. I think I should just be "with" myself and only myself for awhile..that would make things much easier for me. It's hard for me to put my feelings out there again. I did recently and got them crushed, and now he wants me back but that makes me uneasy. I don't want to put them out there again to just get hurt. And I know you can't get into any relationship without putting yourself out there..but..I'm not sure I'm willing to do that yet. I think I just need to take a break :)