Bella N Daisy

Ok..on a lighter note..here's some recent pics of Daisy and Bella :) Bella's going to be in the first grade this year :S she's growing up so fast! Daisy needs surgery in August :( she's still so tiny but getting fatter each day :P

Here's Bella in a pic I made for one of Facebook's apps :P

Well, I'm drawing a complete blank as to what I was going to say now GRRR so I guess I'll just save and if it comes to me it comes to me lol

Mwahss

UGH the doctor

Im supposed to make an appointment soon but I keep putting it off. Was just supposed to be the normal blood tests for my diabetes and then they said my liver enzymes were off. Off? So I asked, they said it could be meds Im taking or could be liver damage :O that scared me so now I'm being a baby and not wanting to find out..thinking it could be liver damage and then what? I know I should just go and get it over with but it's scary. Ive decided that I am just going to woman up and make the appointment for next week on my day off. What's the worst they can tell me? That it is liver damage and that I'll have to go on treatment or need a transplant or die? We all die someday right? At least I know if one person reads this it'll make him happy..guess that's my good deed for the day

BLAH

Have you ever known anyone who doesn't have any luck unless it's bad luck? Well if you know me then you know that person. Seems somethings always going wrong in my life and it never balances out. I'm tired of pretending everything's ok all the time..tired of putting on the happy face because I don't want to bring anyone down or have them pity me. Well, from now on I'm gonna whine and complain and bitch about all my problems. It does no good for me to keep them bottled up anymore. And for once..let me be the person that you don't come to with your issues..let me come to you and lean on you for once :/ Don't get me wrong, I love and care for my friends greatly..and will always try and be there for them..I just want my time too. That's not too much to ask for is it?

One more day...

I can't believe the last 5 days have gone by so fast :/ I did absolutely nothing at all. I suppose bumming around didn't help much..at least I have another 6days off in a week. A friend suggested I take a trip out of town, try something new. Knowing my luck, I'll get lost lol and that's nothing new ;) But, I will try and take his advice and at least take a day trip somewhere. I just wish the ones I was closest too didn't live so far away..would love to be able to meet them all *sighs*

UGH I'm still trying to quit smoking. They've gone up so much that you can pretty much choose to buy dinner or buy a pack lol I was told to put $1 in a jar for every cigarette I smoke. So either I'm going to quit soon, or I'm going to have my airfare to Malaysia and Maldives :P Wishful thinking, I know. One day I'll make it there..one day.

OH I'm getting a new puppy on Thursday :P an 8wk old shit-zu. I'll definitely take lots of pics. Bella has decided she wants to name her Daisy :S don't really like that name, but it's technically not mine so I guess I don't really have a say lol


Well, I'm bored so I think I'll go off and bug someone ;)

Mwahhhhssss

Looking for some attention..pity and such

I'm not as happy as I always appear

I put on a show and fake a smile to hide things I feel

I have fear of growing old alone, and dying the same way

I don't tell people how I really feel because I'm scared of what they might say

I try to be honest with everyone except myself

I cry a lot now and even though I know I have people I can talk to..I don't

I want to be truly loved

I used to think about suicide on a daily basis..but could never put my mom through that

I want to be happy

I wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world..but can't

I would do almost anything for a friend..and hope that they know that

I don't like putting my problems on someone else

I'm good at hiding things

I blame childhood experiences with my distrust in men

I feel my life is going nowhere..fast

I use humor as a release



I posted this on another site as well..I want to tell people but I don't want to seem like I'm asking for sympathy. So please don't comment :/ I just want some to know what I'm about.

Time to whine

I'm sick, fever, cough, runny nose, headache and my throat is killing me. So I have decided that today I will whine..a lot :P GRR and I'm off for 3 days, how fair is that :( I should be sick on the days I work so that I can call out haha. At least I have others who can relate to what I'm going through. Although, they are probably the ones who sent me their e-germs :O :O I'm cold...then hot..then cold lol I think I need some really good drugs to just knock me out for 24hrs and let me get some much needed rest. I was up til 11am yesterday and got up around 4..was so out of it that I forgot to take Bella to dance :( and then didn't wake up til about 8:45pm. So I definitely need sleep and therapy for my online addiction lol At least she wasn't too upset...she said it's boring sometimes anyway :P I'll make it up to her next week, Chuck E. Cheese again (she loves that place). I think I like that place more than she does ;)