Yuck...

2012-01-15T20:12:00.002-05:00

Started taking my meds again the other day and have felt sick ever since :/ guess when I get used to them again then I will be fine. Made for a boring weekend...I barely got out of bed at all.

Bella came by and I felt bad about cancelling our movie date, but I'll make it up to her. She just joined Brownies and is taking Tae Kwan Do classes too :P She's just growing up too fast :(

On a good note..I have lost 10lbs :P

New Pics of Bella

2012-01-14T23:44:00.002-05:00

Stole this..

2012-01-14T21:07:00.002-05:00

A nun gets into a cab in New York. She demurely says in a small, high, voice, "Could you please take me to Times Square ?"
In a thick Brooklyn accent the cabbie initiates conversation, "Hey sista, that’s kinda a long drive ? You mind if we, like, chat ?"
The nun says, "Why no my son, whatever is on your mind ?"
The cabbie, "About dis celibacy thing. Are you telling me you never think about doin’it ?"
The nun, "Why certainly, my son, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two. I am of weak human flesh you understand."
The cabbie, "Well, woulda ever consider, you know, doin" it?"
The nun, "Well, I suppose under certain conditions, in a very unique circumstance, I might consider it."
The cabbie, "Well what would dose conditions happen to be?"
The nun, "Well, he’d have to be Catholic, unmarried and well, certainly, he could have no children."
The cabbie, "Well, sista, today is your lucky day. I am all three. Why do youse come on up here...I won’t even make you really break your vows. All you gotta do is go down on me."

The nun looks around...they are awfully far away from where anyone would recognize her...at the next light she gets into the front with the driver. By the next light, the nun is getting back into the rear of the cab, and the cabbie is smiling from ear to ear. As she settles in, the nun hears the cabbie begin to laugh.
The nun inquires, "Why, my son, what is so humorous ?"
The cabbie sneers, "Sista, I got ya. I’m Protestant, I’m married, and I got four kids."

And from the back of the cab comes the nun’s low voiced response, "Yeah, well my name’s Dave and I’m on my way to a costume party."

sucks..

2012-01-14T19:10:00.001-05:00

Been slacking a lot lately..with this blog, my health, my family..everything. Sometimes I just feel like theres no use trying anymore. Don't get me wrong, I don't plan on doing anything to myself (even though the thoughts are always there). I just feel worthless and embarrassed of where my life is now. I will never meet Mr. Right..destined to be alone forever. I wouldn't even care if he was Mr. For Now..I just want someone to tell me I was the last thing he thought of going to bed and the first thing on his mind waking up. I want to feel important and needed by someone. I want to feel what it feels like to be loved again, to cuddle and just have someone hug me. That isn't too much to ask for is it? I wouldn't think so. Maybe I just need to accept what is. Why is it that I can find someone who cares about me, only he lives in another country? Karma maybe?

2011-12-02T21:19:00.001-05:00

Things haven't changed too much for me since the last time I blogged. I did take my PTCB exam on my birthday and I passed =] sooo happy thats over and done with!

I think about Aiyush a lot lately. Wishing I could talk to him like I used to :( miss him so much. Seems like it was just yesterday that we were skyping with each other. It's coming up on 2 yrs that my dad passed too :( I printed some of Amandas wedding pics and just wish he could have been there to walk her down the aisle, and to meet Ken. Now Naomi is in and out of the hospital and the doctors only give her 3-6mths to live. Seems like everyones dying around me. I know death is a part of life but it just seems so unfair.

My social life still sucks..the one person I can be myself around and truly be happy with lives a million miles away and just feels like Im never going to be happy. I can't leave my family and would never ask him to leave his. Life is just unfair. Found out that Fathey blocked me..someone I loved and cared about and he chooses to break my heart again. Sometimes I wonder why I even take Prozac..why I even give a shit about anything....you give away pieces of your heart and you get slapped in the face...just doesn't seem worth it anymore.

Well...

2011-05-14T18:26:00.001-04:00

I seem to be as bad at keeping up with this as I do my New Years Resolutions lol Geez I really need to keep up with this. Even if I don't think anyone reads it...it helps to get things out sometimes.

So..Amanda and Ken are getting married in about a month and I still haven't picked out my dress lol but I did narrow it down to 2, so thats good :P I'm really happy for her and can't wait to see her even happier. They are honestly made for each other and I've never seen her so happy..plus the fact that he treats her and Bella like princesses is great. Maybe one day it'll be my turn.

I got another surprise gift from Mahir :) he sent me a silver heart shaped necklace a few weeks ago <3 he always finds ways of making me smile and has great taste in jewelry :P I hope we get to meet one day...

Started playing Evony again...Angel (aka Punk) and I get along really well..he makes me laugh and already knows who his boss is (that would be me lol). He's really easy to talk to and lets me whine to him, which is a plus haha But Oh Em Gee I need to stop using my fucking credit card on that game lol

ok..enough rambling for now..back to cleaning

I suck so bad

2011-03-15T23:32:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it's been over a year since my last blog :O I always say I'm going to blog more blah blah blah and something always happens and I forget..sigh..well..THIS time I mean it ;)

Bella is growing sooo fast :O and Amanda is getting married to Ken on June 3rd. I'm so happy for her and only wish my dad was still here to walk her down the aisle :( I have been thinking about him every day and still hurts so bad that he's not here. 2 more months and it will be a year that he's been gone. Its still seems like yesterday and I'd do anything to have him back right now. I don't know if it's ever going to get easier.

This year was the one year that I loved Valentine's day :) Mahir had flowers delivered to me! I was so happy and so surprised! Then a few weeks later he sent me a pink saphire ring with diamonds on the side :P I LOVE it and it's a perfect fit! He's amazing <3 He is always doing something to make me smile :) I will meet him one day!

Ok..enough rambling..I will be blogging more..promise :P

Bella's first day of 2nd grade

2010-09-12T01:10:00.000-04:00

Bella started 2nd grade last week...she's getting so big now :( growing up too fast *sighs* anyway..wanted to share a pic of her :)

Lifehouse: Take Me Away

2010-09-12T01:06:00.000-04:00

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

I try to make my way to you
but still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

don't give up on me yet
don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
but don't let
me stay here alone

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
I've seen enough and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

Been a long time..

2010-09-11T17:06:00.000-04:00

I keep telling myself that I am going to blog more often..and it never happens. A lot has happened since I blogged last..the worst being my dad passed away in May. It's still so hard to believe he's gone. I can still remember his cologne and the way he sounded and I hope I never forget those things. I miss him so much and wish he was still here with us..I wanted him to know how much I love him and wish I had just said it more often. I end up crying a lot lately..mostly from missing him and Aiyush and just being super sensitive I guess. Everything hurts my feelings or makes me cry..fighting with friends and just feeling down all the time. I want to be put back on depression meds because I really think I need them again :/ I talked to Teshan for 4+hrs last night/morning and she said she would charge me to be her therapist :O her own wifey..can you believe that?

Work still sucks..still haven't found my sugar daddy yet :( but on a good note..I was moved back in pharmacy at least until December. The hours are amazing (noon-8, no weekends) :) couldn't ask for better hours..and no lists or doing the garbage lol I hope I can stay on after December..so keep your fingers crossed :P

I'm taking a trip in a week, to Seattle. They call it my "nerd trip" because my sister and 2 of my friends are going to see where they filmed Twilight (go ahead, laugh now..get it all out). So we'll be sight seeing the first day and Twilight tours the next 2 :P We'll have to drive to Oregon to see a few but it's worth it, at least we think so lol Poor Bella wanted to go soooo bad lol but she's in school and I know my sister wouldn't let her fly without her. So look for lots of pics being posted when I get back!

Ok..I'm sleepy so that means its nap time. I am def going to try and blog more often :)

ugh can't believe I did it again

2010-04-23T19:12:00.002-04:00

1. forgetting to blog regularly..so busy so little time

2. trusting a lying ass AGAIN, just for him to prove to me I was right about him the first time *sighs*

lil busy now..will update later :P

Poem I found..

2010-02-13T23:04:00.003-05:00

A Fragile Heart
~ Shernel Jn Pierre

My fragile heart was broken more than once before
I don't think I can endure another pain.
They don't know how or what I feel inside,
through my smiles I cry,
they don't know what they do to me.
Deep inside me I feel like I'm dying.
My world is so empty the days are so cold and lonely
each time I face the purest pain.
I wake up every night to see the state I'm in.
It's like and endless fight I never seems to win.
I should let it out, I think it's time someone should know.
I wish I could tell u the pain that I feel every day,
and that I can't find my way.
How can I break this wall around me
that causes my heart to grow in pain.
With this fire that burns deep within me,
there's so much to lose and yet less to gain.
Is it obvious that I'm caught in emotions
I'm out of control;
I don't know how long I can keep this inside.
So help me complete the pain inside me
and help me mend this fragile heart.

Confused

2010-02-13T23:01:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think life would be more simple if I never had the net..well, I know it would be. But then I wouldn't have met so many wonderful people and my twinny =) But when I faked my appearance I had a few people showing interest..but when I show my true self I have more telling me they have feelings for me. I know I'm a good person and I know Im a good friend...I just don't want anyone getting the wrong impression. I DO care about a lot of people and it makes me feel bad that I can't say I feel the same way for them. I think I should just be "with" myself and only myself for awhile..that would make things much easier for me. It's hard for me to put my feelings out there again. I did recently and got them crushed, and now he wants me back but that makes me uneasy. I don't want to put them out there again to just get hurt. And I know you can't get into any relationship without putting yourself out there..but..I'm not sure I'm willing to do that yet. I think I just need to take a break :)

Yeah..I'm bored

2010-01-31T03:11:00.002-05:00

UGH no work and can't go anywhere..love the snow but hate it at the same time lol OH..and I'm cramping and whiney haha so at least only a few people have to put up with the bitching from me ;) Sometimes I think it would be easier being a man..at least for a few days a month lol

So yesterday consisted of..
*watching movies

*chatting online

*cleaning a lil

*taking a nap

fun day huh? I guess I can expect more of the same today since I most likely will stay home again. Maybe I'll give myself a day of pampering and finish one of the many books Im reading. Or maybe I'll just stay in bed the whole day with a heating pad and the remote :O That actually sounds good to me!

yeah, a random pic of me lol For someone who hates having her pic taken..I have tons of them

SNOW!

2010-01-30T19:22:00.003-05:00

YAY no work today (and possibly tomorrow) since we got tons of snow :) So now we're just stuck at home and no way of going out for anything lol Great chance to finish reading and watching a few movies..just a calm, relaxing day...with cramps :S lol at least my 10day work week was broken in half :P

Sometimes..

2010-01-30T02:44:00.003-05:00

I feel like I have absolutely nobody to talk to when I need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. I try and be there for anyone who needs me but when I need someone I always feel like I'm bothering them or something. My heart hurts so bad right now and all I seem to do is cry all the time. I don't want to feel sad all the time or feel like I have pretend to be ok when I'm not. I don't want pity, but I want to be able to have bad days and have someone there to tell me it's ok. I'll just wake up to swollen eyes again and go on like nothing is wrong. I can't even stop the tears now.

I hate the fact that a few people I trust and love dearly have lied to me, and one right to my face..I hate that someone I cared about wants nothing to do with me anymore and I don't honestly know what I did that was bad enough for her to just wash her hands of me. I'm just sick of always having something wrong in my life. I know we can't all have the picture perfect life..but does it have to be so fucked up all the time?

I can't seem to let Aiyush go and I know I need to..but it just doesn't feel right to do it. I think about him every day, all the time, and I know if he were here now he'd know just what to say to me..and he'd end up making me smile like he always did. Fathey would know how to make me smile too..just wish we were like we used to be. My head says give him another chance but my heart just doesn't wanna go through all that again..so Im stuck..confused..stressed...sigh

Hear You Me..

2010-01-29T05:58:00.001-05:00

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

Can't sleep

2010-01-26T05:00:00.002-05:00

Seems like I get less and less sleep each day. It's not by choice at all, I mean, If I could sleep I would. I just can't for whatever reason. I wake up and I'm tired..I pass out and I'm tired..I go to work and I'm tired. I need someone to knock my ass out so I can get a good 24hrs sleep haha I've developed these permanent bags under my eyes..they just won't go away now :S guess thats the perks of insomnia :P There's days when I think I only get about 2-3hrs sleep and other days I get a good 6, possibly a 7..very rarely do I get over 8. Sleeping pills are out of the question..dont wanna get dependent on them..and I heard chamomile tea would work..but I dont like the taste lol maybe I should try watching golf lol

so lazy..

2010-01-24T03:31:00.003-05:00

Ok..so I had 4 days off and did absolutely nothing :O all this lack of sleep is running me down. Today, I didn't get up til almost 5pm! Yeah, 5pm! I guess I need to make myself go to bed earlier or take a sleeping pill. Something has to work. Now I'm on for 10days straight on Monday..but soon I'll have 9days off and I DO plan on doing something while I'm off lol

Went out to dinner with the family the other night..of course I had to have an argument with my dad. If someone isn't arguing with him then it's not normal. I definitely get my temper 100% from him! Just wish we could have ONE meal where someone wasn't bitching about something..I can dream, can't I? LOL Other than the argument..dinner was good. Bella was pigging out on some chips and salsa and could have drank her weight in sprite..if we let her :P I still can't believe she's growing up so fast :(

Soooo I was writing some stuff in my other journal and wrote this..no laughing -_-

Steady thoughts run through my mind..
Always wandering, always searching.
Never finding that place of peace,
Never allowing my head to rest.
Thinking back to alll the simple things,
The ones that meant so much.
My soul is tired, my heart is weak..
My body waits patiently, for what I cannot have.
Always yearning for that endless sleep.

I was playing with Fathey's pics :P

Miss you so much..

2010-01-20T02:21:00.001-05:00

All I seem to think about is Aiyush lately :( The more I think about him the more I can't stop crying. I was going through some old msn archives and came across one where I was the one depressed and needed someone..He was there for me. He gave me encouraging words, hugs, everything I needed..But I couldn't be there for him and I wish I could have been. Maybe he'd still be here if I was, if I had seen that last notification, not gone to work that day, called him more, just been a better friend to him. I think about all the what-ifs and it kills me..I want him back now! I want to be able to text him everyday like I used to..I want drunk phone calls and skype session on cam..I want to be able to tell him how much I love him and need him. But I can't..he's gone and he's never coming back. I can't even write this without crying like a baby. I wanted to hate that girl..I wanted to make her feel like shit for what she did to you :( but I can't, because I know you loved her and wouldn't want me to be that way. But I can't help but to blame her..it was ultimately her fault and I can't forgive her for that. One day I might be able to, but not now, not yet. You were never invisible. I love you always Aiyush

2009...

2010-01-01T23:55:00.002-05:00

I'm no good at expressing how I feel most of the time, unless its to show that I'm pissed :P so bare with my ramblings :P

This year has been quite a ride for me.. there have been many good things that happened to me this year and some pretty awful things too. Earlier this summer I lost a friend of mine who thought that taking his own life was the way to get away from his pain..he left behind a great family and a terrific son who miss him terribly. I think about him a lot and try and remember the fun times we had..just a few months later I was at work and was told that Aiyush has killed himself and I lost it..it was a total shock to us all. He was such a good friend to me and I just wish I had been a little better friend to him. I loved him dearly and would have done anything for him. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and wish he were back :( but he too thought this was the way to end his suffering..I only wish they had given it a little more thought. I know they didnt want any of us hurting, but a lot of us still are. I thought that was going to be the last of the bad news of 2009..then about a month ago, one of my bosses husband was in a motorcycle accident and was killed instantly. I hung out with them often and he would always come to our job to joke around..He was a great father, husband and friend and will surely be missed by many.

I hope those of you that have lost someone finds peace in your heart and those of you that are feeling alone or desperate to always know there is always an option..there's always hope..there's always another way. You can talk to me whenever you feel you need to...and if need be, I can call you wherever you are, any time <3 <3

2009 was also kind of an eye opener for me..I started on fb years ago and was just the real "me"..then I started to try and photoshop "me" into what I thought people wanted me to be. If I got attention then I kept the lie going.. So I was a fake. I decided to come clean with the push from someone, and have felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I no longer had to pretend anymore and those that chose to stop talking to me (you know who you are) are just missing out. Nobody's perfect and I'm starting to see that. I got an inbox message from quite a few people saying how proud they were of me and that I actually inspired a couple people. That made me feel really good to think that just being myself would help someone else do the same one day. I have missed a few of the ones who are no longer speaking to me, but I'm going to move on and they're going to regret not knowing me like they should :) I even got on cam for a few people, there's no photoshopping on your cam lol So no more fake me..all you're getting is the real MeMe, under eye bags and all :P

So what are my New Years Resolutions? Hmm well I have quit smoking (a little over a month now..yay me) and I'm not biting my nails anymore lol I was trying to beat Fathey but that doesn't seem to be working lol so for me..it's gonna be health related, inner and outer.

1. I'm going to start eating and living healthier

2. I'm going to work on my temper (shocking huh lol bet most of you didn't know I had one (A) )

3. Going to start loving myself

4. Manage my finances MUCH better than I have been

5. Try and get along with my family more :/

6. Have a more positive attitude towards life and will not rely on others to make or keep me happy. I will be the one in charge of my own destiny and happiness from now on :) It's hard to let people in and then have things fall apart..so I'll be more guarded but will still be willing to let the walls down a bit ;)

I do plan on meeting my Twinny and wifeys this year so that has to be a sign that the year will be much better than the last :) Can you see all of us together in one place :O I smell trouble lol

So if you've managed to stay awake through this..thank you :P

I wish you all a very Happy and Healthy New Year, may all your hearts be filled with love, happiness and comfort <3 <3 I'm sincerely glad to call you my friends and family :)

Mwahsssss
xoxoxoxox
MeMe :)

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T12:11:00.001-05:00

This years Christmas will be a lil harder than some..I lost Jason, Aiyush and Ramon this year..2 to suicide and 1 to a horrible accident. I'd give anything to have them back right now :( some wishes Santa just can't grant..I also had a relationship end this week..nice timing eh? Merry Christmas to me, right? One day I will have everything I want and be truly happy..might take a year or 10 but I've got nothing but time, so I can wait.

I hope everyone has very Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year!

xoxo

Blah.,.Happiness

2009-12-22T15:52:00.001-05:00

I think it's all one big pile of shit. Nobody is ever meant to be truly happy..at least not stay happy all the time. You'd think that people who are never happy, get used to it. But they don't..they get one little glimpse of happiness and have a tiny bit of hope in their heart to just have it taken away. So why bother? Why try have any type of happiness at all? Just to set yourself up for failure? Heartache? Lies? I've learned a few things though..
NEVER trust anyone
NEVER believe promises made to you..no matter what
expect NOTHING so that when you don't get anything, you're not disappointed
keep your heart HIDDEN and it won't get broken

I'm tired of being tired..I'm tired of being hurt and being fake. I "came out" in a note awhile back and got lots of love and acceptance from a lot of people. Had a few people delete or ignore me because I wasn't what they wanted me to be..shallow people I guess. But now I just want to stop pretending that I'm always happy..I'm not..even when I was happy being with someone, I was still hurting inside and being depressed all the time. I don't love myself..I don't like myself sometimes but I'm learning to try. I want to have emo days and bitchy days without anyone being so shocked as to where its coming from. I want to have a life...I want to matter to someone..I want to be the first thought on someones mind when they wake up and the last thought when they go to bed..I want to be able to not worry about money (EVER)..I want peace in my family..I want to grow old someone who cares about me..I want to be able to smile and actually mean it..I just want a lil happiness, is that too much to ask for?

Bella N Daisy

2009-06-19T07:17:00.000-04:00

Ok..on a lighter note..here's some recent pics of Daisy and Bella :) Bella's going to be in the first grade this year :S she's growing up so fast! Daisy needs surgery in August :( she's still so tiny but getting fatter each day :P

Here's Bella in a pic I made for one of Facebook's apps :P

Well, I'm drawing a complete blank as to what I was going to say now GRRR so I guess I'll just save and if it comes to me it comes to me lol

Mwahss

UGH the doctor

2009-06-19T07:09:00.000-04:00

Im supposed to make an appointment soon but I keep putting it off. Was just supposed to be the normal blood tests for my diabetes and then they said my liver enzymes were off. Off? So I asked, they said it could be meds Im taking or could be liver damage :O that scared me so now I'm being a baby and not wanting to find out..thinking it could be liver damage and then what? I know I should just go and get it over with but it's scary. Ive decided that I am just going to woman up and make the appointment for next week on my day off. What's the worst they can tell me? That it is liver damage and that I'll have to go on treatment or need a transplant or die? We all die someday right? At least I know if one person reads this it'll make him happy..guess that's my good deed for the day

BLAH

2009-06-18T04:05:00.000-04:00

Have you ever known anyone who doesn't have any luck unless it's bad luck? Well if you know me then you know that person. Seems somethings always going wrong in my life and it never balances out. I'm tired of pretending everything's ok all the time..tired of putting on the happy face because I don't want to bring anyone down or have them pity me. Well, from now on I'm gonna whine and complain and bitch about all my problems. It does no good for me to keep them bottled up anymore. And for once..let me be the person that you don't come to with your issues..let me come to you and lean on you for once :/ Don't get me wrong, I love and care for my friends greatly..and will always try and be there for them..I just want my time too. That's not too much to ask for is it?

One more day...

2009-04-05T05:42:00.000-04:00

I can't believe the last 5 days have gone by so fast :/ I did absolutely nothing at all. I suppose bumming around didn't help much..at least I have another 6days off in a week. A friend suggested I take a trip out of town, try something new. Knowing my luck, I'll get lost lol and that's nothing new ;) But, I will try and take his advice and at least take a day trip somewhere. I just wish the ones I was closest too didn't live so far away..would love to be able to meet them all *sighs*

UGH I'm still trying to quit smoking. They've gone up so much that you can pretty much choose to buy dinner or buy a pack lol I was told to put $1 in a jar for every cigarette I smoke. So either I'm going to quit soon, or I'm going to have my airfare to Malaysia and Maldives :P Wishful thinking, I know. One day I'll make it there..one day.

OH I'm getting a new puppy on Thursday :P an 8wk old shit-zu. I'll definitely take lots of pics. Bella has decided she wants to name her Daisy :S don't really like that name, but it's technically not mine so I guess I don't really have a say lol

Well, I'm bored so I think I'll go off and bug someone ;)

Mwahhhhssss

Looking for some attention..pity and such

2009-04-01T18:56:00.000-04:00

I'm not as happy as I always appear

I put on a show and fake a smile to hide things I feel

I have fear of growing old alone, and dying the same way

I don't tell people how I really feel because I'm scared of what they might say

I try to be honest with everyone except myself

I cry a lot now and even though I know I have people I can talk to..I don't

I want to be truly loved

I used to think about suicide on a daily basis..but could never put my mom through that

I want to be happy

I wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world..but can't

I would do almost anything for a friend..and hope that they know that

I don't like putting my problems on someone else

I'm good at hiding things

I blame childhood experiences with my distrust in men

I feel my life is going nowhere..fast

I use humor as a release

I posted this on another site as well..I want to tell people but I don't want to seem like I'm asking for sympathy. So please don't comment :/ I just want some to know what I'm about.

Time to whine

2009-02-06T01:38:00.000-05:00

I'm sick, fever, cough, runny nose, headache and my throat is killing me. So I have decided that today I will whine..a lot :P GRR and I'm off for 3 days, how fair is that :( I should be sick on the days I work so that I can call out haha. At least I have others who can relate to what I'm going through. Although, they are probably the ones who sent me their e-germs :O :O I'm cold...then hot..then cold lol I think I need some really good drugs to just knock me out for 24hrs and let me get some much needed rest. I was up til 11am yesterday and got up around 4..was so out of it that I forgot to take Bella to dance :( and then didn't wake up til about 8:45pm. So I definitely need sleep and therapy for my online addiction lol At least she wasn't too upset...she said it's boring sometimes anyway :P I'll make it up to her next week, Chuck E. Cheese again (she loves that place). I think I like that place more than she does ;)

Do I really need to be on time?

2009-01-28T14:02:00.000-05:00

I mean as long as I show up to work and stay later, do I really need to be at work on time lol Geez..I stay late everyday so that should make up for me being late. I blame it all on facebook...it's an evil addiction. I think I have been on time 10 times in the past 6months, which is not good. Thank GOD they love me at work or I would have been fired long ago :P I am looking out for their safety though, if I'm on time they would pass out. Passing out could be bad :S they could really hurt themselves and I wouldn't want that (well maybe for a couple of them bwahahaha). The trick is that after being late for a week or so, I go in early a couple days and they forget about the late ones lol I really need an at home computer job..then I'm never late ;)One can only wish

Mwahs

The dreaded hair cut..

2009-01-09T20:07:00.000-05:00

So I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow (Saturday) and I always dread them. I love getting it cut but I get sad over cutting the length out :P So cutting it shorter means I'm going to have to actually blow dry my hair before work instead of putting it in a half bun type style..which is so easy for me since I'm always running late lol I usually get it cut to my shoulders every so often and it's only hair, it'll grow back in no time. Plus if my sister tries to get out of doing it, I'll just have to guilt her haha. I'll be sure to post pics on facebook :)

I was thinking about all the hairstyles I've had throughout the years..I grew up on the 80's so I'm pretty sure I had a mullet lol I even went into this tomboy phase and got a rat-tail hair cut (someone has to know what that is lol), I've had perms, and Im not sure why...my hair used to be naturally curly, dyed it many many colors (Bella even called one of them a "purplish" color lol). I've had it long, super long, medium, and super short..which took me forever to get used to not having hair. It was so easy to take care of but I missed my hair and will NEVER cut it that short again. I've never gone blonde though, highlights but never fully blonde and doing photoshops of me as a blonde doesn't look too bad :P Might have to try that one day.

I'm sorta thinking of something this short, but I'm not sure about having bangs again :S I guess we'll see :)

Mwahhhhs

Taco Bell and Starbucks

2009-01-06T04:14:00.001-05:00

Great combination huh? Almost makes you wanna puke, right? I also like tuna and chocolate milk haha Well, don't knock it til you try it :P The Cheesy Gordita and Java Chip Frapp are amazing together..I could actually go for another Frapp now *sighs* The bad thing about going to taco bell is I have to go way out of my way because the closest one has these dirty ladies working there...and I'm not trying to sound like a bitch..Seriously! They come in my store all the time fighting with each other, smelling like dirty diapers and rotten cheese and I swear there is fuzz on their teeth. I believe they might be homeless, which does make it a lil sad. They use our bathroom and kinda bathe in the sink when they get off work, which is nasty because they don't clean after themselves and there's always hairs and dirt left over. One day my manager told them that we were about to close so the oldest one goes to the bathroom and isn't paying attention to our announcements that we're (25min later) now closed...so my manager goes in to tell her she needs to leave. The woman had put her belongings in the next stall while she was using the bathroom in the other, not really sure why though. I guess she thought someone was trying to steal her stuff when my manager opened the door, so she jumps up in mid stream and it ends up all over the floor and her clothes. I felt really bad for her but she didnt seem to notice it at all and I was really trying to not to gag while Im letting her out of the building (I have a strong gag reflex when it comes to smells) and she's telling us how nice we are and thanking us, which makes it worse because we're always talking about them (I am a bitch huh?). Anyway...they work at the closest taco bell and I just can't imagine eating something that they prepared, just makes my stomach turn just thinking about it. See I tend to ramble a lot..people at work are used to it lol but Im not sure if they are listening because I'm funny (which..I am XD) or because they're scared of me and know I will make their life a living hell if they don't bwahahahaha :P I'm the kind of person that you want to be friends with at work. I have such a fun, sarcastic personality that people will actually ask to work the same shift as I do lol Plus, if you want to know something..always come to me! If you don't want someone knowing something..never tell me lol Funny thing is, people know I can't keep a secret (unless its important) and they still come to me with their gossip *giggle* I like to think of myself as the 411 at work, and if I don't know, I'll definitely find out :) Blah..11hrs til I'm back to that horrid place :S God give me strength :)

Mwahhs

FOR SALE..err..umm..FREE

2009-01-03T23:03:00.000-05:00

OMG I have a brother in law I will ship to you for FREE! I don't know how my sister puts up with him :S He hasn't worked in 3 fuckin years..yes I said 3! He sits on his ass and plays games or gets online for most of his day, the other parts are divided between shitting, sleeping and eating. I am almost certain he doesn't shower but once a month either *gags* Granted, he did have a heart attack last year...but that was LAST YEAR and he's living off my parents..or should I say mooching off of them? He's in his late 30's so there is no reason why he can't get his lazy ass up and find a job! I'd even settle for him slinging burgers and fries than to sit and do absolutely nothing while my sister works 2 jobs (yes I know something is wrong with her to put up with such shit). I was tempted to have someone hack into his account and screw his pc up so he can't get online..but he'd only get my sister to buy him a new one. We argue about this a lot because he treats her nice in front of the family but treats her like shit other times. Knowing she has 2 jobs he is online til all hours of the morning waking her up with his chatting, typing and game playing. She claims she can't make him do anything..sending his ass back to live with his brother is my plan :P I mean, wouldn't you feel kinda bad to be living in someone's house and the only thing you contribute is helping to bring in the groceries and taking out the garbage?? I know I would! Oh and the heart attack..he can't use that as an excuse because my dad had 3 in one month 2 years ago and he went back to work after about 5 months. If I could break them up without her getting hurt, I would. Well, maybe not..but somethings gotta be done. Our younger sister even put in applications for him online..but its no use because when they call he never answers the phone. Claims he has anxiety and gets physically sick when he interviewed before..LMAO..hm OK! So seriously..anyone wanting a freeloading-lazy-mid 30's-male..let me know ;) I will ship for FREE!

Mwahs

To bitch or not to bitch

2009-01-02T20:34:00.000-05:00

I have so many pet peeves that I lose track of them all, for instance...when you're driving on the highway/interstate why is it necessary for the car behind you to speed up and get in front of you, only to slow down :S that drives me nuts! I have enough road rage that I don't need it fueled by morons doing that. Whats with the baggy jeans hanging down to the knees? I thought that fad was over years ago..actually saw someone at work trip because they were so low lol I had a good laugh :P Have you ever had someone who's a bit..um..thick (trying to be nice) that wears clothes 2 sizes too small? Gives muffin top and camel toe a whole new meaning when you've seen what I've seen :S It also irks me that on facebook, there are women who prey on young guys..professing their love for them all the while their hubbys or bf's are sleeping or at work. If you get your kicks out of hurting people you should be tarred and feathered :P at least I think that would be appropriate :) I dunno why I get annoyed over so many things...guess it's the scorpio in me..we can be evil sometimes bwahahaha and be the biggest sweehearts too! I'm sure there are things I do that annoy people (can't think of one at the moment lol) but I like honesty..if you don't like me or like what Im doing..tell me. I'd rather you tell me so I can talk shit about you to someone else than to not say anything at all lol kiddng..I think.

mwahss

Sleep?

2009-01-02T16:39:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty sure I used to know what that meant. Online addiction can put a lil strain in your sleeping habits lol I think I'm getting about 4-5hrs sleep, unless I'm off work..then I sleep for a good 8-10 hours (catching up on lost sleep). A friend told that she put her bed against her computer desk so that its more comfortable and when she passes out..she's already in bed lol won't say who (Ardee) but that seemed like a good idea to me haha I might have to try that ;) Although, I may never get out of bed on my days off :O The sacrifices I have to make. If any of you are on Facebook..you may know what I mean. Well, Facebook led to long msn convos, which led to hours of skype calls..which means no sleep. I have permanent bags under my eyes to prove it (but they get photoshopped out) ;)

So Im off work for 5 days, 3 being sick and 2 just off..and haven't done anything productive at all. I lack motivation and think that if someone just comes and kicks me in the a$$ I might actually do something. Any volunteers? I'd be willing to pay but would have to give you an IOU at the moment haha Tomorrow I will clean, that'll be something productive..

Have a great weekend!

Mwahhs

Happy New Year..blah

2009-01-01T16:52:00.000-05:00

Well, this New Years Eve really sucked (saked for some of you)...where to begin? Hmm..well, for the second year in a row I didn't get my New Years kiss *sigh*, was sick for the past few days so I couldn't drink AND I got to hear about everyone else having fun GRR <--msn emote I think its paybacks for me being evil at some point? Cruel joke? Bad luck? I dunno..

I'm hoping this year brings many many more "memorable" moments. I have to say, being an online addict I meet lots of interesting people lol Some I have really formed a true friendship with, some not so much and some, Im hoping for a bit more :) I'm also trying to make a list of resolutions that I will hopefully follow this year..one being to quit smoking (AGAIN), budget my money a little better, get my drivers license (long story short..it's expired), pamper myself at least once a month lol and to regain some small piece of the life I had before this addiction. Phew! That's gonna be tough :S If I at least stick to one of them I'll be happy!